Confidence!!!!!!!!!!!

Went to CoreVentus interview.
But failed.
But i'm happy.

Why?
Because i have think clearly. Something that Mr.Raj said trigger my mind.My blur and confused mind that have bothered me for these few weeks. Suddenly, get a hint to think clearly.

He says:That i don't understand myself.That i don't know myself and where is my limit. That i don't know whether how far i can push myself to overcome challenges. That i don't have self-confidence. Therefore, no matter where i go for interview, i'm unable to prove myself capable, unable to confirm and tell others that i'm the right one. Cos, i don't even have confidence in myself. I need to face more challenges and know myself well in order to prove to others of who am i.

I totally agree with him. Gana said the same thing. Everyone said the same thing. That i'm lack of confidence. Is not that i'm not good, is just that i'm not good to myself. I have to be good to myself so that i'm able to let others believe in me and give me opportunity and help me succeed.

Okay, so here is the changes. The changes of myself. I will start to learn more about bonds. Read more. Do well in the PFM exam. And prove to Chai, Chad and to my 2 bossess that i can do damn well in bond desk. I gonna be a new me. A more confident me.

You can do it, YS!!!!!!!!
Go!Go!Go!!!!

Horoscope : Embrace Changes, Don't Fight It

Horoscopes says : Embrace changes, don't fight it.

But, i don't know what kind of changes it means. I have resigned twice. Take back the letter twice bcos of some colleagues advice and also bcos of some talking with the 2 bosses. Now, they are assigning me to bond desk. Third product i'll be learning. By the way, i have also been registered for exam. Will be going for the course starts this end of June and the month of July. So, estimated the exam should be schedule at end of July or early August.

At the same time, CoreVentus asked me for 2nd interview. I actually enjoyed doing the assignment. I actually quite like the job. Conference producer. Produce a whole conference all by yourself, with a given budget. You get to plan everything by yourself, your own speaker,etc. The pay is also good with commission. And, the best part is i get the chances to show my own ability. But, is a bit wrong timing. Cos, i couldn't just say go like that after i agree to join bond desk. And they have even pay my exam fee. What should i do now?

That's why i also a bit hesitated by what the changes means? Changes for going to bond desk or changes for entering a new industry?

Fear of Losing

I got the feeling that we couldn't last long. He said " In life, you have to learn to feel contented and appreciate what we have." Maybe he try to send the message that i'm too demanding??

But, i'm not. I'm not that demanding. Is not that i want to request anything from him. Just that, i like to feel pampered. I guess all the girls is the same like me, like to be pampered.But, each time when i talked to him and from the response he gave, i feel pain in my heart. I feel disappointed. As if you don't care anymore. But, you keep telling me, assuring me that you do care. But, your action doesn't make my feel so. I feel imbalance. I put too much priority in you. While, you only put me probably the 3rd place. I know that you is a person with ambition. But, if once a while, you make me feel important, how nice it would be?....But, i dunno know to convey that message to you. Cos each time, when i try to tell you about what i felt, your response is as if i tried to find an argument with, as if i tried to demand you to do somthing...But, do you know that actually, i just want to say it out, just want to tell you what i feel, just want you to listen. Thats all...Am i too demanding??

I really don't want to lose you. But i feel like i'm losing you. I feel myself lost the glow that attract you. I feel myself not able to catch your attention anymore. Just the matter of time. Sooner or later...Or is there miracle?? Maybe just this short period??
Can we be like lastime, when you make me feel i'm important and pampered??
You stop doing things that you did for me lastime...
You stop everything....
Was it because you knew i'm yours for sure??
Or was it because you don't feel worth it anymore to do somthg for me??

Suddenly, i feel so scared...
One moment, i feel like you are the one...
The next moment, i feel like i'm losing it...
Please stop making me insecure...