Dear Blog,

Dear blog,

Sorry i have to come here again to release myself. I really don't know who to go to. I cant tell my mum, as i dun wan her to worry, i cant tell my frens cos they also wont help much.


Actually, it is just a vry vry small matter, asked him somthg.."Did he use my car?" only expect him to maybe reply somthing, anythg, few words oso can eg:" No ah, i din know abt it.." or maybe "yes, used forget to tell you" just anythg will do..Am not angry becos he use the car, just angry of his reaction, why din tell me? and why ignore my question by running away and din even give an explanation? It really make me feel like idiot dumped in the middle of the conversation by some no manners guy.

Today is a vry long day for me. Didn't really sleep well yesterday nite. Sleep only at 430am after tossing around so many times, walk upstairs and downstairs so many times. Itz bcos when you really love someone you will vry care and become sensitive to tiny action of his that it can even make u sleepless? Wake at 730am tis mrng, din had my breakfast, no apettite, lunch, order a rice but just eat few spoon, no apettite at all..and now dinner,not eat anything yet. Why feel like torturing myself?? But, will he care?

For the whole day, i was expecting his call, maybe he will call and say "dun angry la, yesterday i so tired so lazy argue wth u" or maybe "sorry la, dun angry la"..But i guess is useless for me to wait..cos he never call...and when he did call at 745pm...the 1st sentence pop out from his mouth was "so, what you want now?"...in a vry fierce, impatience tone. How my heart broke? A man i thght will love me, care me..never even asked abt me and my condition? how i not been sleeping whole nite, how my stomach was still empty?...No..nothing of those caring words...Just a fierce "so, what u want?" Why was it so difficult for u to say some soft words to me? am i that not worth for ur love? You know that i will easily get well by jus a sentence from u...yet, u din wan to make me feel better.

Now, he just went off for dinner, and me alone at home, still sleepless even i'm so tired..I cried when think back what i try to do for him, for us, what hope i have been putting for us..I always thought we can be together,i gave everything to him, i believe him, i trust him, i depends on him, i did everything thinking of our future, i learn cooking to make good dishes for him, so that when he is back from work, can hv a nice homecook meal..i have not even cook for my mum yet. I dun know whether he will appreciate it or not? I try hard to find for job nearby cos i think for our future whr i will stay tgthr wth him as a family. I have already make my mindset to include him in everythg, yet i dunno what is in his mind. What a gal wan, jus some simple words that care from the mouth of the man she love. I never try to ask him to spend luxurious thgs on me. I try to save money for our future as he seldom save. I try to pay whichever i could. I try to put in so many efforts. Yet, i never knew he ever notice watever i did. What kind of gal am i in his mind? Why before i finish my sentence, he wont wan to listen anymore? Why he can be cruel to me when we in argument? Why he can left a woman he claim to love alone crying or starving in the room by herself? Why he cant take a small initiative to console me? I love you, i will always forgive you...i will always say "OK"...will always smile if you console me.

But now, i feel so lost as if i lost everything and so alone.i lost everything.He say he don't want me anymore.